The Onion, unabashedly America’s Finest News Source. I Should Not Be Allowed To Say The Following Things About America:
When the Founding Fathers authored the Constitution that sets forth our nation’s guiding principles, they made certain to guarantee us individual rights and freedoms. How dare we selfishly lay claim to those liberties at the very moment when our nation is in crisis, when it needs us to be our most selfless? We shame the memory of Thomas Jefferson by daring to mention Bush’s outright lies about satellite photos that supposedly prove Iraq is developing nuclear weapons.
At this difficult time, President Bush needs my support. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld needs my support. General Tommy Franks needs my support. It is not my function as a citizen in a participatory democracy to question our leaders. And to exercise my constitutional right—nay, duty—to do so would be un-American.